


The Times I Tried to Love You

by lovehugsandcandy



Category: Ride or Die (Visual Novel)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 12:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19812340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovehugsandcandy/pseuds/lovehugsandcandy
Summary: Kaneko knows that love is a verb, not a noun.





	The Times I Tried to Love You

i.

“Again.”

“Daaaad.” Colt was shivering, his tiny body shaking in the breeze. He had long lost his baby fat but had yet to grow into himself, still gangly-limbed, with knees that knocked together as he shifted his weight from side-to-side. His lips were starting to turn blue, but he would be fine; his body could handle one more jump.

“Again.”

“Come on Dad, it’s too dark.” He wasn’t yet old enough to be rid of childhood fears; though he never spoke about it, Teppei saw the way that his eyes peered out, into the trees, the water, still wary. These fears would only hold him back.

“Don’t make me repeat it.”

Colt’s eyes darkened and he opened his mouth, impertinent remark on the tip of his tongue before he thought better of it, begrudgingly turning to the cliff. He shot one last look back and for a moment, Teppei thought he could see his own darkness shining through the eyes of his son. Then, Colt was off, sprinting and then flying through the air.

One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. Four-and a splash.

He didn’t even scream that time. Good. 

Teppei waited, lighting another cigar as he watched the moon crawl up the night sky.

Colt would need this. He would need to learn to conquer his fears, be silent in the face of danger, crush any and all weakness before it became a life-threatening flaw that could end him.

He would understand someday.

Finally, Colt emerged from the cliff, the sea dripping from his hair, palms rubbing harsh warmth into his arms. Teppei watched his son, his heir, as he stubbed out the last of his cigar, watched his small body trudge across the grass, exhausted and worn. Colt looked up at him when he got closer, the flame in his eyes growing brighter. Good.

“Again.”

ii.

Teppei shut the door to the office; it wasn’t enough to completely muffle the noise from the repair work going on outside, but it was something.

The crew knew that he liked to take lunch alone in his office. It had been something of a ritual the last few months, slowly becoming an established habit that no one dared break. He sat at his desk, sipping his green tea, and waited.

He didn’t need to wait long. 11:55 am. Five minutes early. The phone lit up milliseconds before it rang, sharp light and shrill noise loud in the office. Teppei waited. Another sip. Another ring. A third. A fourth.

He thought, while he waited. Wondered idly why the call came early today; was the traffic lighter than normal, making the 3.4 mile drive from the high school to his home faster? Was he still at school, calling before heading to yet another detention after yet another fist fight? Had he played hooky and was calling from the road, motorcycle heading west before his mother caught on?

He could still hear that day unfolding, 82 days ago, could hear echoes of the slam of the door, the screaming. He heard it when he slept, when he was awake. _“I fucking hate you.”_

Teppei blinked as the voicemail alert sounded and grabbed his phone with a tired sigh. Rubbing his eyes, he pressed the button. 

“You have one new message. You have 80 saved messages.”

Teppei shut his eyes.

“You fucking prick, pick up the phone.” It was quiet in the background. Colt must be at home. His mother would still be at work so he would have the run of the house. “I wanna come back to LA. I fucking hate it here and-”

Teppei had to take a deep breath as Colt’s voice caught. The messages when he was alone were always the worst, anger and hatred and hurt spilling violently over the phone line.

“I fucking hate it here and I’m coming back and I don’t give a shit about anything you have to say about it.”

A door slammed. He was probably in his room now; Teppei could picture him flopping on his bed, phone clutched in a death-grip as he cursed through the snarl on his face.

“Will you just pick up the phone?”

Teppei waited. The pause was longer this time, Colt fuming, thousands of miles away.

“I fucking _hate_ you.”

iii.

Teppei raised an eyebrow. It had been a long time since someone tried to intimidate him. “Absolutely not.”

“I think we can come to an agreement.”

“We are not your puppets. I said no.”

He turned to go, to get out of this alley, away from this demon, but a bitter laugh stopped him. “I think you’ll be singing a different tune when you see this, old man.”

Teppei looked over his shoulder; the man had a piece of paper dangling from two fingers, waving it teasingly in an outstretched hand. It was a photograph, a small picture, and Teppei’s breath caught. _Was_ _that…?_

He stepped closer, eyes narrowing, squinting to see. It was taken from across a busy street, lens pointing into a coffee shop, the photo’s subject oblivious to the intrusion on his privacy. He understood the implication immediately.

He almost reached for it, hungry to see how he had grown in two years. Even in the dark, he could tell Colt’s shoulders were broader, hunched over a textbook. Were those dark circles under his eyes or just shadows, tricks of the light?

Teppei swallowed, jaw tensing, as the man stuffed the photo back into his pocket. “You think we can’t get to him?” He leered, breath sour in Teppei’s face, bill of the Badgers hat casting his eyes in darkness. “You think moving him across the country was enough to keep us away, to keep him safe? Newsflash, friend: he’s not safe anywhere.”

Teppei stared, unflinching. He was a man of calculations, of odds. The calculations here were not in his favor. The Brotherhood knew how to manipulate the situation by targeting the one thing he would defy any odds to protect, to save.

“One job. Just one.”

The man smiled, clapping Teppei’s shoulder with a meaty hand. “That’s all we ask.”

iv.

The door opened suddenly but Teppei didn’t move, didn’t look up. He knew Colt was here, had heard the “where’s the old man?” amid the normal jawing and scuffle of the teenagers in the shop.

He didn’t look up when Colt shut the door behind him, eyes focused on the paper in front of him. He could hear the chair legs squeak as Colt sat and then had to stifle a snarl as Colt dropped his feet on the table, right on top the ledger he was looking at. 

Finally, Teppei raised his eyes, taking in his boy, now a man, broad-shouldered and long-limbed. “What are you doing in LA?” More importantly _, when was he leaving?_

“Hello to you too, Pop.” Colt reclined in the chair, balancing it on two legs, hands folded behind his head. “Great to see you, really. Glad to see your crew is still bumbling along.”

“What are you doing in LA?”

Colt dropped the chair, sliding his legs to the floor, elbows on his knees. “I’m back.”

“You are in college.”

“It’s Spring Break, I wanted a vacation.”

“Then go to Hawaii.”

“Fuck you.” Colt’s eyes were blazing, the set of his mouth stern. “I’m not leaving. So you can let me back in the crew or I can just camp out here, in the shop.”

“Absolutely not. This is not for you. You’re going back to your mother.”

“Fuck you, I’m not.” He raised his chin. “You can’t boss me around anymore, old man.”

Teppei sighed. Colt was right. He was no longer a minor; he couldn’t just shove him in a car and send him away.

Not to mention, there had already been one threat to his life. If he were in LA, he was in even more danger. 

Maybe it would be better to keep him close.

“Here’s the deal.” Teppei paused as Colt cocked his head, listening. “You can help out in the shop for your break. Answer the phone. Minor repairs. That is it.”

“But…”

“ _That’s it_. You will do nothing else.” Teppei stared at him, hard. He had faced tougher men than Colt Kaneko before; unlike those men, Colt stared right back, unflinching.

Apparently, Colt had a good amount of his father in him after all.

Teppei stood and Colt narrowed his eyes at him. “I’m not weak. I deserve a place here, in the crew.”

“I decide that.” With one last glare, Teppei opened the door to the office. “Ahem.” He stepped around Toby, ignoring the futile excuse for eavesdropping, to enter the shop floor, Colt’s petulantly stomping behind him.

“Have a safe ride back to college, buddy.”

Colt glared at Logan, shoulders raised, the two children squaring off. “Guess again. Not getting rid of me that easily.” 

Logan’s eyes were incredulous. “He’s sticking around?”

“Colt will help me out at the auto shop over his spring break.” Teppei narrowed his eyes at his son, ice in his voice, then surveyed the crew. “He won’t be involved in anything else. Are we understood?”

Teppei’s eyes cut to his son, his hands balled into fists, arms clenched at his sides. _This was a mistake._

“Understood…boss.”

v.

He knew, as soon as he saw the lights flickering at the end of the bridge, he knew how this would end. There was only one way it could end, really; since that fateful day 19 years ago, this ending was predetermined.

The LA River wasn’t wide, but it was wide enough, enough to gather the speed he needed. Kaneko pushed his foot down, pedal to the floor.

“Pop, what are you doing? They have the whole thing closed off!”

It wasn’t wide enough to say the things he needed to say, but it would have to do.

“I told you I couldn’t break free of The Brotherhood alone…but this? This I can do alone.” The Aylesbury picked up speed; he had always loved how this car could fly. Time for one last flight. “I was so obsessed with fighting for my own freedom that I jeopardized yours.”

He could hear the crew, vaguely, but was focused on one voice. “Pop, no! Come back!”

“Promise me one thing, son. You’ll get out of here. You’ll leave this life behind for good.” He tried to picture him, his son, when he was young, as he grew, the moments he remembered and the moments he missed. “You can be anything… Be more than this.”

He unscrewed the NOS, the last thing he could do for his crew. “Stay back. All of you.”

“Pop…please…you can’t leave me.” He could hear the tremor in his son’s voice. His heart ached at the pain but he would rather have his son hurt and free than bound in chains.

“Go, Colt. Go and don’t look back.”

There was always only one way this was ever going to end.

He closed his eyes.


End file.
